Don’t Hate Tears

The thought process actually started with an episode of Satyamev Jayate. Watching this show is like working on Sundays I’m telling you.  It was the domestic violence episode when a guest on show directed the show audience to an important point and that was how men are robbed off a special privilege – crying. She said, frequent outbursts of tears were very important for men or the stress often found its way out through violence.

Not all men resort to violence but in absence of an outlet, relationships definitely worsen in their life. The whole family and close ones suffer. Even women today find crying disgraceful and try to have control on emotions. So much angst, so much of frustration, insecurity, balancing and meeting constant demands of life and you can’t cry heart out…… very unfair.

So I’m writing this post for men who can’t weep and also for women (remember Rudali?) who are forgetting or trying to forget how to unburden themselves.

A common childhood incident in everyone’s life is to be teased and shamed by the playmates for being a crybaby. Even if you are just a spectator to the incident and not actually a victim, still you learn anyway that these precious H2O drops are not valued as much outside your family zone. Things change, as you  grow up at least girls in their teens are looked at sympathetically, mostly as their emotional outbursts are related to hormonal changes while guys are expected to be stronger for exactly same reason – that now they are entering manhood.

Crying is mostly an unwanted thing in our life because it is primarily associated with pain (excessive sorrow, hurt, anger, fear, hopelessness and memories) barring few khushi ke aansu moments that are rare. All our activities are driven to minimize pain in life and possibly hide it. Most men don’t like to exhibit pain and they hate the discomforting environment where somebody else has failed to control their tears. Few men regard crying as normal or a natural expression.  Though now numbers of movies and T.V serials I see have scenes in which their leading men cry which is a significant changing trend. Our heroes cry! This is really super cool. But the old school genre will never get influenced by this or accept  pink as a new style to be personalized …nor this will spread to interior small towns where time travels in different velocity.

It is also argued that crying may lead to an over indulgence in self-pitying. Indeed self pity is in its most intense moment, generate sobs but it is limited to the moment. While people who don’t cry carry the self pity with them all the time. This also leads to arrogance, a false pride of not letting anything move you and that you dealt with a situation without any help. In actual you jumped the red light signal in your way to be fined for it dearly later.

My experience of crying is that it is a self healing exercise. If you want to be independent in true sense crying helps a lot. It is like learning to swim. When you jump, you sink first, reach to the deepest level, touch the bottom only to rise and float on surface of the water. As much as it is hard to smile when you cry, it is also difficult to remain miserable for longer period. Try it consciously; keep a tight guard on yourself in case out of that darkest blue moment you let escape a happy memory forgetting how bad this world is. And the magic begins. The moment grieving has exceeded the situation loses its grossness. You have imagined worst things in the process and now you come to terms with reality. Is it because you have sunk to the lowest level or is it because you are tired mentally and physically or because there is no other way to go but come up again, without any change in external factor you give up mourning.

Hope is Born Again!


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